There are two kinds of safety False safety and infinite safety.

False safety is the safety that comes from setting up fences, walls and barricades and then defending them with all you’ve got – words, actions, weapons, policy. It’s a sense of feeling protected and invulnerable through contraction, rigidity and repulsion.

Infinite safety, on the other hand comes from being able to welcome everything into one’s space without judgement, linking in to the infinite energy of one’s own spirit. It is inclusive and doesn’t need to fear attack because when something is infinite, what is there to attack? It is a sense of feeling whole and secure in one’s own presence – expansive, welcoming, nurturing and inclusive.

When you embark on the journey of figuring out the world and trying to forgive your neighbour, the journey soon leads inward because you come to realise that the violations perpetrated on the outside have also, on some level, been perpetrated by you, upon others or yourself. And thus comes the moment of having to undo the emotional pain and struggle by loving yourself through to forgiveness. It’s the thing that shifts your entire system from the false safety created by an insecure ego, into the open-hearted experience of yourself in your happy space with everybody.

The thing is, it’s a pretty daunting road to take because people who have been through it and done it; preach it, without giving a road map.

And yet, it is the most important work of your life because, right now, the entire world is trying to figure out how to bring security and peace to itself and it is erring on the side of stronger borders, paranoia, contraction and weapons. If the world is to change, you gotta figure out a different way for yourself (and the next person for herself) until the rst of the world does it for themselves. Are you feeling how big a responsibility and gift this can be? For you and those around you? I hope so.

Well, in the next few paragraphs I’m going to share how I do it, how it works for me, what happens in the middle, what it feels like in the end and what to do next (because self-forgiveness is not a one-time exercise.) (sorry. just keeping it real).

But once you actually start to do it, it will actually become the most potent tool for self-transformation you will ever possess. (besides a philosopher’s stone or an actual light sabre).

So, here it is:


Step One: Feel like crap for something you did, didn’t do or meant to do and you forgot.

Step Two: Divide yourself into 2 aspects. The Forgiver. The forgivee.  (You, the observer is also there. Okay, it’s 3 but this one is always there  no matter what you do.)
Step 2B: Commit to yourself that you’re going to stay with you through this process till the end, no matter what comes up. No matter what. Now would be a good time to say that, when a process like this starts feeling uncomfortable, that’s when you will want to get up and leave, smoke, eat some ice-cream WHICH is exactly the reason why you get up and do those things  at other times (for no reason).

Step 3: This is where you allow all the humiliating, awful, gut-wrenching shame to come to the surface of the aspect of you that is the forgivee. Watch the sensations as they arise in your body. And now, through the eyes of the forgiver, just witness all of it, be present to it and look at the shamed aspect of you as if it is the most precious thing – just waiting for someone to say it’ll all be okay.